Gospel Prism

Sally Michael, who ministers with her husband at Bethlehem Baptist Church in the Children’s Ministry, has an excellent article entitled, “Sometimes I Feel Like a Lousy Mom.” This is an excellent article for any mom who has the challenge of raising children and caring for a sometimes unappreciative husband (which I have certainly been). She writes:

OUR DILEMMA
Children give us the opportunity to see ourselves in a whole new light. All of a sudden when our patience is tested repeatedly daily, we realize that we are not the vast reservoir of patience we thought we were. We are not as calm or as gentle as we thought we were either.

This is easily observable in moms during supper preparation – It has been a long day, our offspring have continually “pushed our buttons” and now supper preparation is under way. At this point a member of the junior set “helps mommy” by carrying plates of spaghetti to the table – one at a forty-five degree angle. The spaghetti slides onto the floor, the oblivious child walks through it and smears it across the kitchen floor…mom YELLS…and dad chooses that moment to walk though the door.

But here’s the real clincher. Dad comforts the crying child, looks at mom and makes a comment like, “You need to learn to be a little more patient.” Dad is not trying to be mean or accusing, he just doesn’t realize that this is not an encouraging comment. This is not an uncommon scenario. The players change, the circumstances are altered, but the result is the same. Mom feels like a lousy mom. She knows she lost control; she is ashamed and saddened that she hurt her child; and she feels like a failure. She is acutely aware that she disappointed God, her husband and her child. Have you “been there, done that?” I have. And I’ve had many women cry on my shoulder and ask for counsel because of this very issue.

She then goes into the biblical answers to this scenario and then some very practical suggestions for the dad first and then the mom:

DAD:
1. Pray for your spouse. You may have married a wonderful woman but she is still a fallen creature and she needs your prayers.

2. Encourage your spouse. Dealing with young children all day long is not an easy job. Chances are when you witness your wife’s “explosion,” it is the culmination of many instances that have tried her patience. She may have handled the first sixteen with unusual grace. By number seventeen, she may have become “testy”… and you happened to walk in at the end of the day on number twenty!

3. Rather than admonish her by pointing out her sin, it would be helpful to come alongside her and help her to grow.

How much different the above kitchen scenario would turn out if you reacted like this: Gather your child and your wife in your arms and say, “It looks like you have both had a hard day and now it is time for me to help. I know it is unpleasant to be yelled at. I also know that it is difficult to be patient after a long day. We don’t want our family to be marked by yelling. We want it to be marked by how we depend on God to help us when things are hard. Can I pray for you both? Then we can work together to clean up this spaghetti mess.” These are empowering words that point to God. When David has done this for me, I feel supported, encouraged to grow and humbled before God, not defeated.

4. Give your wife a break when you are home. She needs you to take initiative in dealing with discipline issues, enforcing bedtime, etc. In one large family at Bethlehem, the dad completely takes over the bedtime routine for all the children as a way to serve his wife. Little things like this offer support and encouragement
as well as a needed break.

5. Help your wife carve out a realistic plan for her devotional life.

MOM:
1. Pray for yourself and pray for your child(ren)…continually, all day long.

2. Be sure you are spiritually armed for the day. Do whatever you need to do to preserve your time with God.

3. Take a break. You may not be able to take a “day off” but when you feel your negative emotions rising, you can walk into another room, take a deep breath, pray for yourself and your child, and reappear with your emotions under control.

4. Set aside your busyness and focus on your child. Sometimes we snap at kids because we are trying to get too much accomplished. Often it is more efficient (and certainly more pleasant) to set aside our task and concentrate on our child for a time.

5. Effectively discipline. Nip things in the bud so they don’t build all day long. Put an end to moodiness (i.e. gently say, “You need to go in another room and ask God to help you with your attitude. You may come back when you can be pleasant.”)

6. Plan ahead and plan strategically. Know your limitations and don’t place yourself in situations you cannot handle. (i.e. set out Sunday clothes on Saturday night) Some situations are a recipe for disaster (letting a small child paint while you are baking a cake and taking care of a baby). Lower your expectations and change the schedule.

7. Keep your sense of humor. Humor can carry us through the most difficult situations.

8. Put things in perspective. If I make a wonderful dinner of baked chicken, Italian salad, fried rice, broccoli au gratin, chocolate pie, and burn the rolls, I have not made a lousy dinner. I have made a wonderful dinner and burned the rolls. Realize that you are not a lousy mom because you are a fallen sinner. You may
be a great mom with opportunities to grow in grace.

9. Remember that you are not alone. Pray with other young moms. Encourage one another. Remember that you are loved by a body of believers who care about the outcome of your faith.

This is exactly why I am so thankful that some of the ladies have been willing to meet together to preach the Gospel to one another at Well Moms.