Gospel Prism

I read this post by the Harris brothers regarding doing the hard things. It’s actually something they’re dad wrote regarding this topic:

Parents, the first thing I want to tell you this evening is what not to do — and that is to hijack The Rebelution or the phrase Do Hard Things and use it as a way to nag, or ridicule your young adult as they are living and working with you. I share this because I know how easily this can be done.

As a pastor, I often have to deal in marriage counseling with a couple where the wife or the husband will say things like: “Yeah, love and honor till death do us part. Oh yeah, tell me about it!” And what are we doing? We’re taking sacred wedding vows and using them as a way of slapping our spouse in the face. That doesn’t do a very good job of enhancing the marriage.

In the same way, as parents you are going to be severely tempted, when you walk into your son or daughters bedroom and you see the ordinary chaos that ensues in that place, to say “Oh yeah, do hard things.” And what you’ve just done is you have, in a way, taken the wind out of the sails of that phrase.

So I encourage you to protect it. Use it in a way that does not use it in vain, or in a way that demeans it or makes others despise it.

Thus, instead of encouraging our sons and daughters to love the Gospel and decide for oneself to follow Christ, we set up rules apart from Christ-centered exaltation for kids to follow or we guilt them into obedience.

But we also can so easily do this in marriage. The women of our church just came back from what I have heard was a wonderful time in the Lord. Janis Shank was the speaker and I think our women benefited tremendously from her wisdom and winsomeness. I believe much good fruit will be borne from this time. But may I add a slight word of caution to our well-intentioned, God-pursuing sisters. You have heard many good things in how a biblical marriage, a biblical wife, and a biblical husband should be. You have come back with many ways you can be changed and transformed to be a Gospel-centered woman. These are great things. But please be careful in how you wish for your husbands to transform as a Godly man/husband/father/leader. Probably the most destructive thing you can do is to “preach the Gospel to your husband” by demeaning who he is, what he has or has not done, how he must change, how he needs to take up your prescribed regimen of spiritual growth. In taking such an approach, you will find that the very thing you want, God-centeredness from your husband, is the one thing you will find repulsed. In fact, such an approach probably undermines everything you have learned at the retreat.

When Peter was addressing wives who were married to non-Christian husbands, here was his advice:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:1-4)

What would win the heart of the husband would not be a list of the husband’s failures, but rather a woman’s complete passion to live unto the Lord and in doing so, her trust in Christ would be exemplified even to an ungodly husband. How much more then dear sisters, if you continue to encourage your husbands by finding evidences of grace in them, by developing your personal longing to know Christ more in light of the Gospel, by looking for ways to kindly and gently encourage your husbands to want more for themselves in Christ, would they respond to your promptings? Share what you have learned with your husbands from this retreat. But do not force them to change. Instead, wait upon the Lord, gently remind them of your covenant in Christ, and pray and see how the Lord will be the one to open their eyes. The fruit of such gentle encouragements will far exceed any amount of badgering, sighing, wishing that your husband would be different, could ever produce.

May I also give a word now to all of the ladies of our church. As Steve said in his sermon, with the exception of a few pockets of women in the church, the church had suddenly become a lot more uglier since his last visit! Without your presence on Sunday, we missed you. You bring the fresh breeze of God’s grace in our church. We men are blessed because we have you with us each Sunday. Together, there is a reflection of the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27) and the body of Christ (1 Cor 12) that is incomplete without you. So thank you all for your hearts. We prayed for you, we missed you, and we appreciate each of you greatly.