Gospel Prism

In the Sovereign Grace podcast, Jeff Purswell discusses what it feels like when he wakes up in the morning to worship God:

Well, mine sound very similar to what C.J. has just described, especially those opening moments. I never cease to be amazed at how cold my heart is in the morning. And I used to think, “No, if I am really saved then I wouldn’t feel this way in the morning.”

It encouraged me one time to hear Dr. Piper say, “I feel like I have to get saved every morning. I wake up and the devil is sitting on my face.” I can relate to that.

So now I am no longer surprised. I can be discouraged at times, but the coldness that I feel just reminds me how badly I need God. Because apart from him I can do nothing. And apart from getting food for my soul this morning, I will be starving.…

So I’m very pragmatic in my devotions. I don’t feel obligated to continue along a track that is not bearing fruit. Because of how cold I am in the morning I am desperate in the morning. Obviously, I think that is a gift of grace. But I just have this feeling because I am so cold I must meet with God, I must connect with him, I must be addressed by him. I must reach a point of faith for that day, knowing I have indeed encountered his presence, that the flames of affection for God in my heart have been stirred, that I have brought myself under his sway, and under the control of the Holy Spirit.

During this past Together for the Gospel Conference, my friend, co-worker, partner-in-crime Tim Kurtz was my roommate.  And he has a gift that I sure wish I had, the gift of automatically waking up early.  He would arise at 4 or 5 am without a bit of struggle.  The devil was far from his face.  I think he was far from his face because he was busy putting me into a headlock as I slept.  I hate sleep, but I love sleep.  I hate that it takes away from my time with the Lord.  I hate that it reminds me of just how weak and feeble I am before the Lord.  But it also reminds me of how desperately I need Christ and how grateful I am that I am not held guilty on the basis of my discipline.  And for this reality alone, I desire to wake up early, push the devil off my face, go downstairs and read God’s Word.

But it’s never easy.