Gospel Prism

Slate (which by the way, is usually pretty biased against anything Christian) has an article entitled, “Evangelical Teens Do It.” The article reviews Forbidden Fruit: Sex & Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers by Mark Regnerus, a professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. While I still think Slate’s take on anything Christian tends to be negative, I do think that Christian parents of teens far too often assume that their kids will remain pure. The article notes:

Evangelical teens today are much less sheltered than their parents were; they watch the same TV and listen to the same music as everyone else, which causes a “cultural collision,” according to Regnerus. “Be in the world, but not of it,” is the standard Christian formula for how to engage with mainstream culture. But in a world hypersaturated with information, this is difficult for tech-savvy teenagers to pull off. There are no specific instructions in the Bible on how to avoid a Beyoncé video or Scarlett Johansson’s lips calling to you from YouTube, not to mention the ubiquitous porn sites. For evangelicals, sex is a “symbolic boundary” marking a good Christian from a bad one, but in reality, the kids are always “sneaking across enemy lines,” Regnerus argues.

Just because a child is raised in a Christian family does not mean they will be able to ward off the pressures of the world we live in. Consider this: If grown men and women are falling into sexuality due to internet porn and other means of sexual immorality, how will young kids whose life experience is far less and whose biological state is far more turbulent be able to fend off sexual temptation? According to the book:

They [Evangelical teens] tend to lose their virginity at a slightly younger age—16.3, compared with 16.7 for the other two faiths. And they are much more likely to have had three or more sexual partners by age 17: Regnerus reports that 13.7 percent of evangelicals have, compared with 8.9 percent for mainline Protestants.

It makes perfect sense to me. Here are the factors I see in leading a child toward sexual immorality:

1. Their own sinful nature.

Paul’s whole point from Romans 1-3 is that people are sinners. They will fall regardless of their supposed righteousness and will power. And to think that being an ‘Evangelical’ is somehow a magic cape that protects a young person from lusting after another is foolhardy and unbiblical.

2. Their friendships

James 4:4 says: “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” I don’t think James is saying that we cannot have non-Christian friends. But I do think James is saying that when we are more concerned about what friends think of us than what God thinks, than we are friends with the world. Also, our world has enmity with God. It despises the things of the Lord and it despises purity. So when young people are listening to their friends at school about kissing, boyfriends, girlfriends, dating, etc., how can they NOT think about sex?

I see young girls and boys who are 7 and 8 already thinking about sexuality. Some are dressing with bare midriffs, modeling themselves after Brittany Spears and others. But I would argue that even before they are watching this on TV, they are learning about sexuality from their friends at school. And kids want to fit in with other kids, even if that means playing sexual games at really young ages.

3. Uncomfortable Parents

Admit it. We parents are uncomfortable in addressing this critical subject. And the more we avoid this issue due to uncomfortability, the more kids will be learning about sexuality from the media and from their friends. Parents need to be constantly reminding their children about the absolute need to fight for their sexuality through purity, rather than giving it away to any person who might come asking for it. When parents are not involved and care nothing for a child’s modesty in dress (even as a baby), then how can we ever expect a child to suddenly be able to “make good decisions” when all the pressure is on them. To think in this way is to ignore the fact that kids are woefully sinful, just like us adults.

4. The Media

It used to be, to look at porn, a kid had to sneak a peek at the local 7-11. Now they only need to type in www.fillintheblank.com. Also, instant messaging, chat rooms, left unguarded can lead to devastating results. Then there is music, which has always preached the message of sexuality at any stage as a good thing. Of course, there is also TV and the movies. Again, I know how hard it is for me to watch a movie without sexuality. They almost all have some sexual nuance, if not outright porn. It’s easy to say, “You’re just a prude.” Such statements are the easy way out, but such statements are also a roadmap towards a child’s sexual immorality.

So what’s the answer? The answer is not to lock our children in a tower for the rest of their days. Nor is it to think they’ll be okay so long as they go to church. The answer is not to yell and scream and place down law upon law. As we all know, that often leads to rebellion and kids doing more in secret. But if a child wants to surrender their body to another, they will do so and nothing will stop them. The answer has to be the Gospel of Christ.

Teaching kids at the earliest of ages (as soon as they can talk) that God looks at their heart and not just their outward behavior is essential. The Gospel tells us that we are sinful even if we look “moral” externally. And it says that we are all depraved and in need of an external work because of our helplessness in being made righteous. The Gospel then requires much talking and asking questions and probing and patience, even when children are young.

The Gospel also requires me to check my own motives. Why am I dressing my baby to look like this when I know I wouldn’t dress my teen to look like this? Why do I care more about what my child looks like physically and not care about what my child looks like in her heart? Why do I get so worked over his grades but care nothing for His growth in the Lord? Why do I want my child to be popular in school and liked, possibly without discernment? Why am I so uncomfortable in teaching my kids about sexuality and how God has given us this gift to cherish for the best time?

There are so many more questions to ask ourselves. But these Gospel questions will help a child to see that their greatest need is not to be liked, or to be admired, but to be loved. And they can never be more loved than by Christ Himself. This Gospel message, alongside caring parental supervision and continual Gospel intervention (asking Gospel questions and good listening), can make all the difference between a child becoming a man or woman who has cherished his purity versus a man or woman who has cast aside their purity at their first opportunity.