Gospel Prism

I have been a proponent of online dating since it first came into existence.  I have recommended it to some people in my church (though no one has yet to take me up on the offer–yet).  It’s a resource that is available to many believers who might be limited in their pool of potential spouses.  Here are the reasons I found that online dating has its place:

1.  Provides an opportunity to meet people you would never meet.

This is probably the single greatest advantage of online dating.  For Christians whose desire it is to marry only Christians, the possibilities can be limiting.

2.  Allows for an intermediary stage with some checks and balances.

Because the system of online dating is set up with various stages of options to withdraw from conversation, the possibility of getting burned is no greater than meeting someone and “getting to know them” in other ways. 

3.  Draws attention not to dating, but to marriage.

The people I know who have met their wives or husbands through online dating, did not go into it because they wished to date.  Instead, it was a desire to marry and always had the intention of marriage.  This is very different from so many non-online dating relationships that use “dating” as a way to see if marriage might be in the future somewhere.

4.  Focuses on the commitment of marriage rather than the romance of dating.

I’d like to assume that we are talking about Christian online dating and Scripture continually emphasizes marriage, not dating.  Marriage in the Bible rests on the covenant between husband and wife and God (Genesis 2).  The fact is, dating relationships are often over-dramatized and wrought with temptation and emotionalism that it pales in its realistic foreshadowing of marriage.  Many criticize online dating because it seems so sterile and contrived.  But I would argue that if romance was the indicator for strong marriages, than Hollywood couples should have the strngest marriages because us mortals cannot outdo their flair for romance.  The Bible teaches us that marriage rests on the covenant of marriage, the commitment between husband and wife to love one another despite or in spite of romance.  Online dating is a legitimate way to focus on the commitment of marriage, and not just the romance of dating.

BUT…

Online dating has its flaws and concerns as well.  Although I have listed the positives of online dating, I also want to emphasize that the intention of the heart is essential.  God looks at the heart and it is the wellspring of life.  We need to guard it with all of our might and strength and ask for the Lord’s grace in keeping it for Him alone.  Online dating, with an undiscerning heart, like anything else can be detrimental to our souls.  Isaac Hydoski of Covenant Life Church has a great article on the concerns of online dating as well.  I’ve listed the topic headings, but you will want to read his article as well:

Concerns to consider (not in order of significance):

1. Expensive
2. Time-Consuming
3. False-hope
4. Safety
5. Compromise
6. Can reinforce self-focused view of relationships
7. Loss of protection from church community
8. New temptations

Pastoral Counsel to Those Using Online Dating Services

1. Discern your motives
2. Involve your community
3. Know your values and convictions
4. Communicate your values and convictions
5. Ask about their values and convictions