Gospel Prism

I have three girls and one boy. Right now, my girls romp around, screaming in delight with the simplest of things and playing with teddy bears and wanting to watch Magic School Bus on video. But oh there will come a day when such things will seem out of date. How is a parent to wrestle with such times?

Here is what CNN reports on the Tween years:

Several published studies have found, for instance, that some tweens’ bodies are developing faster, with more girls starting menstruation in elementary school — a result doctors often attribute to improved nutrition and, in some cases, obesity. While boys are still being studied, the findings about girls have caused some endocrinologists to lower the limits of early breast development to first or second grade.

Along with that, even young children are having to deal with peer pressure and other societal influences.

Beyond the drugs, sex and rock’n'roll their boomer and Gen X parents navigated, technology and consumerism have accelerated the pace of life, giving kids easy access to influences that may or may not be parent-approved. Sex, violence and foul language that used to be relegated to late-night viewing and R-rated movies are expected fixtures in everyday TV.

And many tweens model what they see, including common plot lines “where the kids are really running the house, not the dysfunctional parents,” says Plante, who in addition to being Zach’s dad is a psychology professor at Santa Clara University in California’s Silicon Valley.

He sees the results of all these factors in his private practice frequently.
Still need limits

Kids look and dress older. They struggle to process the images of sex, violence and adult humor, even when their parents try to shield them. And sometimes, he says, parents end up encouraging the behavior by failing to set limits — in essence, handing over power to their kids.

“You get this kind of perfect storm of variables that would suggest that, yes, kids are becoming teens at an earlier age,” Plante says.

Natalie Wickstrom, a 10-year-old in suburban Atlanta, Georgia, says girls her age sometimes wear clothes that are “a little inappropriate.” She describes how one friend tied her shirt to show her stomach and “liked to dance, like in rap videos.”

Girls in her class also talk about not only liking but “having relationships” with boys.

“There’s no rules, no limitations to what they can do,” says Natalie, who’s also in fifth grade.

Her mom, Billie Wickstrom, says the teenlike behavior of her daughter’s peers, influences her daughter — as does parents’ willingness to allow it.

“Some parents make it hard on those of us who are trying to hold their kids back a bit,” she says.

So far, she and her husband have resisted letting Natalie get her ears pierced, something many of her friends have already done. Now Natalie is lobbying hard for a cell phone and also wants an iPod.

“Sometimes I just think that maybe, if I got one of these things, I could talk about what they talk about,” Natalie says of the kids she deems the “popular ones.”
The need to fit in

It’s an age-old issue. Kids want to fit in — and younger kids want to be like older kids.

But as the limits have been pushed, experts say the stakes also have gotten higher — with parents and tweens having to deal with very grown-up issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Earlier this year, that point hit home when federal officials recommended a vaccine for HPV — a common STD that can lead to cervical cancer — for girls as young as age 9.

“Physically, they’re adults, but cognitively, they’re children,” says Alderman, the physician in New York. She’s found that cultural influences have affected her own children, too.

Earlier this year, her 12-year-old son heard the popular pop song “Promiscuous” and asked her what the word meant.

“I mean, it’s OK to have that conversation, but when it’s constantly playing, it normalizes it,” Alderman says.

She observes that parents sometimes gravitate to one of two ill-advised extremes — they’re either horrified by such questions from their kids, or they “revel” in the teen-like behavior. As an example of the latter reaction, she notes how some parents think it’s cute when their daughters wear pants or shorts with words such as “hottie” on the back.

“Believe me, I’m a very open-minded person. But it promotes a certain way of thinking about girls and their backsides,” Alderman says. “A 12-year-old isn’t sexy.”

Isn’t this every reason that right now Christian parents need to prepare their children to be satisfied with what Christ has done for them on the cross. They are not cool because they wear makeup or dress in certain clothing or chat on myspace with boys. They are accepted and love and happy because in Christ they are a new creation, and sons and daughters of the King.

Ok, I better continue to have many more Gospel talks and times with my kids.