Gospel Prism

Yesterday, I took my kids to the Monterey Bay Aquarium (by myself). I add that parenthetical note because so many people seemed to be startled by such a thing. While I was there, people would see, see my four kids in tow, and say, “Wow, you have your hands full.� Or they would say, “How can you as a dad handle all four kids.� People seem to be awestruck that I would actually do such a thing.

Let me tell you first and foremost, that I am no special person and certainly not a super dad. I am at heart a sinner who is impatient, can grow angry, and sometimes lack enough care and concern for my children. But despite my frailty, God has given me enough grace in Christ that I also deeply love and enjoy my kids. I also deeply love my wife and long for her to grow in the Lord as well. So, for me, taking my kids for a day, or even a weekend (when Shua goes on a retreat), or perhaps even 2 weeks (should she go on missions), while it might test my patience and will certainly test my sinful heart, is ultimately no sacrifice at all. It is an act of genuine love and yes, even desire.

Furthermore, I tend to think that doing such things is an act of will, or lack thereof. If a father says, “There is no way I can watch my kids for that long,� it usually is because he believes he cannot do so on the basis of his lack of will. This is not about ability, but about desire. My parents’ generation of Koreans lived through a war. My father-in-law told me stories of how he ran from the North to the South as a 16 year old, while the North Korean communists were hot on his trail. Bombs were overhead and there was no food to eat. Surely, people have lived and survived much more difficult things than watching 4 kids or watching rambunctious boys. I would imagine there are much more trying things in life than giving my wife a break for a day or even a week.

This is not about ability, but it is about perspective. If a person believes he or she cannot do such a thing, then he or she will not do such a thing. This is not about cannot but rather, will not. I know this to be true because most dads are quick to say, “I would give my life for my wife or my child.� But how can that same dad say, “I cannot watch my kids alone for a few hours, or a few days, or even a few weeks.� If a wife died, would a husband just give up caring for the children? Of course not! He would do whatever it takes to care for his kids, even if it was difficult.

In the end, I realized that to be a loving father and husband is not about being a specially gifted one. It just means submitting to Christ and the love that He had for us as a model of what our (as a husband) love should be for our wives. That’s the message of Ephesians 5:20ff.